Life Lost

July 22, 2010

Something that has been coming up in my thoughts and conversations a lot lately is the idea that God wants our heart.  Not just a little bit of it. But the whole thing.

Not only that idea but that God wants us to surrender our entire life to him.

This is where the Gospel stops being attractive I think.  If you go to people saying “well, yeah, God wants your whole life, he wants you to give up your life for him, I mean don’t kill yourself or anything for Him, but he wants you to do with your life what he wants to do with it.”

That may have sounded jumbled, and that’s because it was.  I feel like that’s how it always comes out in conversations though anyways.

But when we start to talk about this idea of giving up our whole life to God, that’s when I personally think the Good news about Jesus becomes quite unattractive.

I mean who really wants to say here, you can have my life. I know you could use it better than me.

However. That’s what Jesus wants us to say.  This idea of losing our life is part of the Gospel.

Personally I like it.

But sometimes I don’t like it.

I know, I know,  I need to make up my mind.

The reason I like it is that in the moments when I surrender my life completely to Christ, those are the best times for me as a person, I am the most emotionally stable, I hear from God the best, and I grow closer to God among many other things.

Now there are some problems once I surrender my life to Christ.  One problem is that I have to be constantly surrendering it. Not just once. But all the time.

I feel like every day, every hour, every few minutes even, I am faced with whether I am going to give God my life.

Because every day I am faced with options.  And a lot of those options are awesome things.  But a lot of those awesome things aren’t what God has for me.

A lot more often than not, those options are sinful things, things I want to turn to instead of God.  Things I think will fill or satisfy me more than God.

In each of those moments I have the opportunity to lose my life to God. Too often I choose to lose my life to myself, or to sin.

Another problem once we fully surrender is the enemy will blitz us with temptations, and all sorts of other bad stuff that just make life sucky.  And in those times it is even more difficult to tell God that he can have all of my life.  Because for me, it gets hard to surrender when I am being attacked.

Everyday I have to surrender my life to Jesus.  When I do that it’s the best life for me.  It is amazing how much different the state of my heart is when I am letting God do what he wants with my life rather than what I want.

That’s the main struggle, lose my life to God, who does with it amazingly brilliant things that I love with it.

Or

Live my life on my own, and I do stupid things that I hate and don’t really want.

Everyday I want to give God all of my heart. Even with the little things.  The things that we know matter, but treat like they don’t matter that much.

God, help me always surrender to you.

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2 Responses to “Life Lost”

  1. Lucia Villa said

    i love it. i love it. i love the fact that you share your thoughts and feelings and understandings and revelations with everyone. i love how you can be so real with your struggles and also real with how hungry you truly are for God. and i love how God uses your blogs to speak directly to my heart.

    i can’t tell you how many times i struggled with telling people this aspect of the Gospel, or even surrendering to God this past year. I remember driving to AZ from Chicago last summer for school and on the way i listened to “I Surrender” by Kim Walker, and thinking over and over again “God, I surrender to you. I surrender my life, because I know you can do more with it than I ever can.” and even though i felt like i grew the most this year, i also struggled the most. because of myself and because of the enemy. even now i am struggling again because i’m away. away from the community that God used to pour into me, among other things. away from the people i started to trust and love with all the things God shows me and teaches me. away from a safe place where i can be held accountable or talk about God every second.

    but i realized that God’s presence isn’t made real in the safe places, in the loving places. He’s real everywhere and there’s nothing we can ever do to change that, thankfully. He’s always going to be with us even in the “dark” places. And even when we struggle with surrendering to Him. We’ll be tested, constantly, and i think every time we surrender will grow that much closer to God.

    in Proverbs 3:5, it says “trust in the Lord with all your heart.” I think i’ve learned that we can’t just trust him with all that might, but trust Him with our actual heart. Trust that He will protect it and love it and place beautiful things inside of it that will fill us like nothing else can and that will glorify Him.

    I pray that God will show up in every moment that we struggle with choosing something other than Him, that He will help us feel His grace, that He will teach us more and more through those moments, and that He will help us see how much He truly loves us and wants only the best for us, always.

    i love you Anthony. (in a sisterly way)

  2. Jenny D said

    I really enjoyed this. What great courage to talk about everything we always think about.

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