Sometimes I feel like Ender Wiggin.

November 4, 2011

Just to warn you this is the nerdiest blog title I’ve made to date.

Sometimes though I feel like Ender from Ender’s Game.  It’s a book about a boy genius who is trained to fight an alien invasion.  I won’t get into much more of the plot because it’s a great book, and you should read it for yourself.

One thing I will get into is that in the book, Ender is always being tested.  Always being put on the next level of pressure.  His authorities are always trying to make him a better leader and warrior.  They amp his training throughout the book, always making it harder and harder, and even stacking the deck against him.

Sometimes I feel this way with God.

It is primarily in relation to my sanctification that I feel this way.  Now bear with me before you judge my theology.  Or even agree with me.

At times it just feels like everything in my life happens to make me better.  Rare is the rest I get from my continous sanctification (dramatic much huh?). Obviously there is rest.  I am just telling you guys how it feels.  Not necessarily the reality of the matter.

For example the last few weeks I have been diving into my unforgiveness and trying to figure out how to get it out of my life.  I realize of course I need God, however thanks to James Macdonald, I also can be apart of that process, if my heart is motivated by Christ likeness rather than whatever other motivations I have.

So yesterday I was struggling with forgiving a particular person, and feeling slightly convicted, but more inclined to hold onto my bitterness and sense of childish justice, only to arrive at an event this person was at.  I even felt when I was being convicted, perhaps this person will be at the event, but more than likely not,  and there they were greeting me with a handshake when I walked in the door to the event.

That’s why I feel like Ender Wiggin.  I feel like I am always being set up to be sanctified.  Set up on the hard path of becoming a better person.

And as I was slightly annoyed and angry yesterday thinking this is my life, I realized there was something fundamentally wrong with my thinking.

Something in me was thinking that somehow the results of sanctification were not as good as the results clinging to my bitterness and unforgiveness.

For one, that latter way of life is death.  It wounds inside.  It makes me an enslaved person.  It makes me a hurt person, ruled by my own unforgiveness on the inside.

The result of sanctification is however really good for me.  It’s making me a free man.  It is freeing me from the oppresive ruler that is my sin.  It is allowing me to live in freedom from the power of my sin.

So the result of God just letting me be, is not good, because I will choose slavery.  Which in turn makes what goes on inside my heart and mind a really bad situation for me now as well as later.  Where as the result of God’s caring about me, and then setting up my sanctification is to make me a man free from those hurtful things, so I can reflect his glory better, among other things.

Besides all that my own acheiving of my sanctification is just trying to prove to God I am worthy.  So when times of sanctification come up, I really need to invite the Spirit in me to take care of it, because I will fail at it.  And if I was trusted for my own sanctification in my life none of it would happen.  However because God is in charge of it, it actually happens, and it makes me a free man.  That’s pretty awesome.

I need to understand that.  God help me find strength in you.

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